I am bored, so I'll just talk about some random things and update my journal.

You know how people complain sooo much about christianity? It makes no sense to me. They should say things about the people who go to far with their religion, but no, it seems like the only thing people want to do is prove christianity to be false...they forget that they themself couldn't be steered from their opinions, so why do they do the same thing that the christian-extremist do?

It makes no sense. To me it seems like no one wants to respect anyone else's beliefs, they just have to try to prove their religion or their opinion is the best...why can't people understand that it doesn't matter?

I think religions are a great thing. I am a christian and I really do believe in God, but for me its more of a personal relationship. I worship the way I think is best for me, and that is what makes me happy. I know everyone isn't going to believe in the same things I do, so I just leave it at that.

I hate the people who ask the question, "Who created God?" Don't be stupid, no one knows and no one ever will. If I held up a pencil and asked you to prove to me it was real, how would you go about doing it? Is it because you can see it or touch it?....Well, what if I told you that this world could all be just be a dream? It could all just be inside your head and you would never even know.

No one can really prove that anything exist. If you believe in this world, it will be real to you, so live the life you want. If you have any respect for other people then you'd let them do the same.

I know what I believe in and if someone wants to talk about how their beliefs differ from mine, then that is fine. I like for people to talk to me about their religion or beliefs, it helps me to better understand who they are and I like knowing people. It makes me sad that a lot of christians don't do the same because it says in the Bible that a person shouldn't judge others. And it makes me sad that people try to prove christianity wrong, they act like the same people they don't want to be.

I had a pretty good day, except by the end of it. I found out I got another 19 on my fickin ACT score. No one would understand how bad I felt. Sometimes I feel so stupid, but then I came to the relization that I was stupid for feeling that way. Crying isn't going to make anything better, taking expensive classes isn't going to make anything better, and even taking the ACT again isn't going to make anything better.

Why? You ask...well, getting a better score on my ACT wouldn't make me happy. I know it wouldn't. In the book I was reading to help me on the ACT (which it didn't) it said that the test was only there to prove that you can get more right answers than somebody else. I'm sick of trying to be better than everyone else. I've been trying to do that my whole life and its never made me happy. So fuck it. I'm not doing it anymore.

The only reason I'm even writing this is so people, like me, can know that trying sometimes isn't good enough and even natural talent is sometimes not even good enough. And you'll never be happy if you try too hard or only do something because your good at it. Both those things will only make you tired and sick. You have to ask yourself if your happy with what you do. If your truly proud with your work even if someone else thinks it shit.

So from now on, I don't care if the world thinks that somebody else is better than me. I'm not the best person in the world, but I'll do the best that I can and I'll do what makes me happy. Fuck the ACT, I'm not taking it again. I'm not going to let people tell me I'm less of a person just because I made a worse score than someone else. In the end, we're all the same. We're not less of a person just because it seems that someone is better than us. And I'm just sick of trying to be better than other people.

I'm glad I got my test finished, now I can just relax and dance all I want. And eat gummie bears...LoL

I've been feeling kinda lost lately, like I just don't know where to go or what to do with my life or anything like that. Sure, people say its normal to feel that way, but normal doesn't change the fact that its driving me insane...so I've been trying really hard to set some goals for myself, so I'd have something to work towards, but its not really helping. I'm not good at making goals because I end up making a million of them, and its impossible for one person to do everything, which makes me stressed out that I can't do everything. Don't ask why, I don't completely understand it myself, but whats worse is that right now, I feel as if I am not good at anything.

I know, everybody is going to tell me that I am, which is really nice (I love you for that), but at the same time not helping the fact that I don't think I am good enough.

I asked my mom the other day what I was doing wrong because nothing ever seems to ever workout. I mean NOTHING and whats worse is its like everything is going wrong and nobody, but me, is going to have to fix everything...and no one can do everything, so it would be assumed that no one could fix everything either....so how am I supposed to fix everything by myself? I have no idea and I am confused.

I don't know, it just feels like I can't hope for anything anymore. When I hope everything seems to be going great and then all of a sudden everything just blows up in my face without a warning. Kinda like a time bomb.

I'm exhausted from caring the time bomb of hope, but I'm going to do it anyway because I don't know of any other way to live.

O well, heres an hour long funny thing you can watch called Amv Hell 3....
[link]

MmmHmm, got me a three pound bag of gummie bears! Bought it at the Wal-Mart, and today was a snow day....Life is good....Life is REAL GOOD! haha

*If ya haven't noticed in the gummie pic I took, Steve is all messed up like a mighty morphin power ranger, yep, found him in me 3 pound bag of gummie bears, couldn't help myself, had to share the love!*